Prelude
Scene One: Apartment
A pretty blonde girl lights a candle, turns on relaxing music and hangs out in her apartment. She looks at herself in the mirror while standing in her underwear. She lights a second candle and looks at a picture of her boyfriend. She holds it to her chest. Suddenly, she hears a noise from the other room.
Girl: Tad? Is that you? You're early!
Suddenly, her TV set turns on as if by itself. On the screen is a serial killer, wearing sewn-together human skin over his face a la Hannibal Lecter. He holds a large knife.
Villian: It's time to kiss your sweet ass goodbye, cupcake!
She looks horrified and then the glass of her window crashes behind her. She turns around and screams. The killer chases her with a large, bloody knife.
Scene Two: Movie Theatre
There is quick cut and we realize that the previous scene was only a movie, "Whack Job." This is the Hollywood premiere of the new movie. REBECCA (BECKY) LEAH MILFORD, the actress playing the girl, sits with her boyfriend, BRODY FARRELL, who is the actor from the movie who played the girl's boyfriend. The audience screams, hides their eyes. BECKY smiles at BRODY who smiles back... kind of.
Scene Three: The Premiere Party
We see a poster for "Whack Job." The slogan reads: "Meet The Butcher... ...He Loves His Work!" BECKY enters the party, chatting with her MANAGER, a female.
Becky: Seriously, several people told me that my scene is really like the only one that's even remotely scary.
Manager: Becky, you make a major impact in this movie. Major.
Becky: Like, somebody even said that Angelica's scene, it wasn't even scary at all. Like, it was funny, and not in a good way.
Manager: We have to make sure that you don't get pigeon-holed now, which is why I think you shouldn't show your tits anymore.
Scene Four: Bathroom Stall
BECKY snorts coke feverishly. She is sweaty and shaking. She puts on another coat of makeup, and reapplies her lipstick when she is done. We hear the voices of two women friends, in the bathroom, talking about the movie.
Woman #1: What a piece of shit!
Woman #2: I know, it makes fucking "Blair Witch 2" look like "Titanic"!
Woman # 1: It's just so fucking gratuitous!
Scene Five: Premiere Party
BECKY is being interviewed by "Access Hollywood."
Becky: Well, I think that what makes this movie different is that the violence isn't so gratuitous. It's more like the whole movie is about the whole psychological nature of fear.
Scene Six: Bathroom Stall
BECKY is back at the stall, snorting coke.
Scene Seven: Premiere Party
BECKY sits with her boyfriend. She's starting to look really bad, tired, messy, and drugged-out.
Becky: Seriously, you could write it. I've ready your poetry and it's really good.
Brody: You think I should direct it too?
Becky: Yeah, and we should have like this really hot sex scene, like all gritty and real, you know, like European.
Brody: I'm not showing my ass. My manager says I need to stop showing my ass.
Scene Eight: Bathroom Stall
BECKY snorts more coke. Suddenly, she vomits and falls to the floor. She starts convulsing, flopping on the floor like a fish. She stops shaking. She is dead. People enter and leave the bathroom, unaware BECKY is dead in the stall. The screen fades to white.
"REBECCA LEAH MILFORD
1980-2001"
Act One
Scene One: Brenda's Bedroom, morning
NATE and BRENDA are having sex.
Brenda: Honey... Honey... it's not working.
Nate: What?
Brenda: No, no, it's not gonna happen.
Nate: Alright. (gets off of her and starts to go down on her)
Brenda: Stop! Stop! It's not gonna happen. I'm sorry.
Nate: What's wrong?
Brenda: Nothing. Don't take it personally.
Nate: Oh, don't make this about me.
Brenda: Oh, what? Am I not allowed to not have sex for once? Is this what our relationship is now?
Nate: Wait a minute... You woke me up by going down on me!
Brenda: I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe that car accident we had gave me some weird Oliver Saks blow-to-the-head disease. My whole life seems like a bad dream. it's like... it's like somebody else's life. Like, if my life were a movie, I'd fall asleep, or I'd walk out.
Nate: You still not seeing any clients?
Brenda: I can't. I just can't face it.
Nate: You know, sometimes you've just gotta force yourself to be active when you're--
Brenda: When you're what? You think I'm depressed?
Nate: Are you?
Brenda: (quietly laughs) Yeah. Doesn't mean I want to talk about it.
Nate: Okay.
Scene Two: Room Behind the Curtain, Intake Meeting/Hallway
DAVID and RICO are having an intake meeting with ANGELICA, RICO's sister-in-law, and BRODY.
Rico: This is my sister-in-law, Angie.
Angie: Angelica.
David: It's nice to meet you.
Angie: Likewise. And this is Brody Farrell.
Brody: Yo.
David: Are you the next-of-kin?
Brody: No, Becky's parents died when she was two. She was raised by her grandmother, who also died. She didn't really have anybody, except us.
David: I see. Can I ask who will be--?
Angie: The cast of the movie. We're all pitching in to pay for it.
Rico: Well, we're going to need one person to be designated as the--
Angie: Brody will do it.
Brody: Yeah, she was sort of my girlfriend.
David: Now, do you know what kind of service you'd like?
Angie: Cheap.
Rico: Well, we provide a variety of services for the more budget-conscious client.
DAVID's cell phone rings.
David: I'm sorry. Let me turn this off.
Rico: Take it. I can handle it.
David: (looks at RICO for a short beat) Please excuse me. (goes into the other room with the phone and answers it) David Fisher.
Kevin: Hi, David, it's Kevin Miller. You answered my personal ad in the L.A. Weekly. I'm the fireman.
David: Yes, hi. Hi. Of course.
The camera returns to the room behind the curtain. RICO shows the other two a catalogue.
Rico: We can start with the most simple of traditional funerals, which would include our American Eagle casket here.
Brody: I don't think we should bury her. Becky was, like, totally terrified of the dark.
Rico: Well, we can still have a viewing. During which the casket will never be closed, followed by a cremation.
Brody: That's good, and then we can scatter her ashes over some place she really liked, like Griffith Park, or the Lava Lounge on LaBrea.
Angie: (laughs) Yeah. I think we could skip the casket!
RICO looks annoyed but restrains himself. Back to DAVID.
David: Well, you sound like a really nice guy too.
Kevin: Well, I am a really nice guy. So, do you want to meet for coffee later this afternoon?
David: This afternoon? Uh, sure, sure. I have something at 3, but I can meet you after that.
Kevin: Great. Let's say 4 o'clock, at the Up All Night Coffee House. I'll be wearing a red baseball cap.
David: Great. I love red. I mean, it's one of my favorite colors... of which I have several. (grimaces)
Kevin: Okay. See you then.
David: Okay.
The camera returns to RICO and the clients. He is showing them a picture in the catalogue of a small, glass urn with dolphin sculptures in it.
Rico: Now, this is a beautiful and unusual cremains vessel. The ashes actually fill these dolphins, which are carved out inside.
Brody: She wasn't really into dolphins. I remember somebody suggesting she boycott tuna, you know, because of the whole dolphins-getting-caught-in-the-nets thing. And she said, "Fuck dolphins! I want a (pronunciation) nee-swa salad!"
Angie: (pointing to tiny urns on necklaces, in the catalogue) What are these?
Rico: Those are keepsake miniature urns, sort of like lockets, if you will.
Angie: (to BRODY) So everybody could get a piece of her!
Rico: Yes. It's an old custom from Thailand.
Brody: Becky loved Thai food!
David: (re-entering) So, what did I miss?
Scene Three: Beach
In a deserted beach -it's winter- CLAIRE waits for GABE in a lifeguard's watchpost, looking out at the sea. GABE finally shows up.
Gabe: Hey. I'm sorry I'm late.
Claire: Why weren't you at school today?
Gabe: I was in school today. I just wasn't in American History. I mean, who needs to know all that shit anyways, right?
Claire: Well, if somebody wants to have a concept of how the world works and have a fucking chance in life--
Gabe: Whoa, what crawled up your ass? It's all lies, anyways.
Claire: Where were you?
Gabe: Andy and I skipped out after lunch. We went to the Car Museum.
Claire: Did you get high?
Gabe: Yeah. I'm 18 years old, living in fucking California. I'm not allowed to get high?
Claire: Hey, I'm worried about you, Gabe. In case you don't remember, I have good reason to be.
There’s a short beat. Then GABE tries to put his hand on her shoulder but she rejects him.
Gabe: I'm sorry, okay? But you don't have to worry about me. I swear.
Claire: Just please don't lie to me.
Gabe: I'm not. Look, I'm okay. And I'm gonna stay okay. (strokes her hair) As long as I have you. (kisses her forehead, embraces her)
Scene Four: Hospital
NATE is having an MRI. He looks to the ceiling, worried.
Scene Five: Doctor's Office
DAVID is in a doctor's office.
Doctor: Let's take a look at your test results. (opens his file) Well, I have some very good news. You tested negative for the HIV antibody.
David: (relieved) Oh, thank God!
Doctor: You need to be tested again in six months, just to be safe. Let's see... Negative for clymidia, all hepatitises, syphillis... ooh... positive for gonorrhea!
David: What?
Doctor: Mm hmm... Do you have any pain or difficulty urinating?
David: No.
Doctor: Any penile or renal discharge?
David: (grimaces, grossed out) No.
Doctor: Well, gonorrhea can be entirely asymptomatic, but, if it's left untreated, it can lead to severe problems down the line. I'm going to give you some Cipro. Usually knocks it right out.
David: Well, this is certainly embarassing.
Doctor: Did you engage in unprotected sex?
David: Uh--yes.
Doctor: Bad boy.
Scene Six: Fisher Kitchen
RUTH sits at the table, reading a book entitled, "Now That You Know: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children." CLAIRE enters.
Ruth: Claire...
Claire: Yeah?
Ruth: How was school?
Claire: Dull and depressing. What are you reading?
Ruth: "Now That You Know."
Claire: Now that you know what?
Ruth: That David is gay.
Claire: Oh.
Ruth: I take it you knew already.
Claire: Yeah.
Ruth: Well, how do you feel about it? Are you hurt? Angry? Do you wish he wasn't gay?
Claire: No.
Ruth: Those were all valid feelings, you know.
Claire: I don't care if he's gay, just as long as he's happy.
Ruth: According to this book, we should all be very open to how we feel, and we should try to express those feelings, because the foundation of intimacy is truth.
Claire: Okay.
Ruth: Have you ever had any feelings of same-sex attraction?
Claire: (laughs) What? No, Mom.
Ruth: It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Claire: I know.
Ruth: When I was your age, I actually had a little crush on Jane Fonda.
Claire: (surprised beat) Well, she's single again, so now's your chance! (CLAIRE leaves. RUTH stays watching after her)
Scene Seven: Coffee House
DAVID is on his date with KEVIN.
Kevin: I just never got into that whole promiscuous thing, ya know? First guy I had sex with, ended up in a relationship with for four years. One man kind of guy. Always have been. What about you?
David: Definitely, definitely. I mean, sex just for the sake of having sex? What is that?
Kevin: Don't get me wrong, I love sex. I'm a very sexual being. I just think it's way better when there's something emotional going on behind it, ya know? I credit my parents for that. My mom and dad have been together for almost 40 years--they're still hot for each other! And they've never been anything but 100% supportive of me.
David: Wow. (smiles)
There’s a long beat. Finally...
Kevin: Um, I've gotta get to work. Listen, it's been great meeting you.
David: Yeah. (shakes hands) This was fun. Would you like to do it again?
Kevin: I don't think so. You seem like a really nice guy, but, I've gotta be honest: I didn't feel much of a spark. Can't make it happen if it's not there, right?
He leaves a very dejected DAVID.
Scene Eight: Doctor's Office
NATE sits across from DOCTOR DiPAOLO, obviously a different one than the earlier female DOCTOR. This is a guy who is very uncaring and flippant about his job, which pisses NATE off to no end. He examines NATE's MRI results.
Doctor: Yeah, it definitely looks like AVM.
Nate: Fuck. So now what?
Doctor: Well, that depends. Remind me what your symptoms have been?
Nate: Headaches.
Doctor: All the time?
Nate: No. Just occasionally. Mostly on the left side of my head.
Doctor: Yup. Any seizures? Impairment of vision? Sense of smell?
Nate: Well, once I had, like, a flutter, just on the edge of my vision.
Doctor: I'm as blind as a bat. Once I woke up, could see perfectly out of my left eye. Lasted for a day and then it went away. Who knows what the hell that was? (laughs)
Nate: Huh. So, what next?
Doctor: Uh, well, let's see. Um, well it's in a not overly eloquent brain area. Hmm. Are you left-handed?
Nate: No.
Doctor: That's not good.
Nate: Why not?
Doctor: And it's a little larger than I'd like it to be.
Nate: Yeah, it's a little larger than I'd like it to be.
Doctor: (makes a weird noise) Alright, you want options? I'll give you the big three: cranial surgery, not a picnic. Embolization, closing off the blood vessels by injecting glumin into them, sometimes we use platinum coils instead. (tries to take a smudge off the sleeve of his doctor's white coat by rubbing it with his saliva) And, finally, radial surgery--focused radiation.
NATE stands and starts to strangle the DOCTOR to death.
Nate: Die, you little motherfucker!
Nate: If I'd never been a car accident and gotten a routine X-ray on my skull, this never would have come up, right?
Doctor: Until something happened.
Nate: Well, I mean, it's possible that I can go my entire life without it ever creating a problem.
Doctor: Well, anything's possible.
Nate: Do you think I need surgery?
Doctor: Well, I can't really say without more tests. I think you might benefit from embolization. However, any time you close off the large arteries going into an AVM, (laughs) the smaller blood vessels feeding it tend to increase in size.
Nate: Oh, oh, okay, yeah, so--so it doesn't really work?
Doctor: Well, there's only so much we can do.
Nate: Oh, God, fuck! Fine! You know what?, just don't do anything. OK? I'm gonna just try to put this all out of my head, no pun intended, and just get on with my life.
Doctor: I'm not sure I think--
Nate: I don't give a fuck what you think, you arrogant piece of shit!
Doctor: Okay, even if we decide not to do anything at this juncture--
Nate: There's no “we.” I decide.
Doctor: I'd still like to get another MRI on you in 6 months.
Nate: And I'd like a fucking straight answer out of you, asshole! (storms out, leaving the door open)
Scene Nine: Nate's Car
NATHANIEL, SR. drives the car. NATE is in the front passenger seat.
Nathaniel, Sr.: It's kind of ironic: you don't smoke, you run every day, eat all that healthy crap...
Nate: Shut up!
Nathaniel, Sr.: Now, me, I smoked, I drank, I ate any old thing I wanted. And I inhaled enbalming fluid for God knows how many years. And ya know what?, if it wasn't for that bus, I'd have lived to be 93. You know?, it's the first time I've driven since then. You might want to fasten your seatbelt.
Nate: Yeah? Well who's the dead man in this car? Huh? It's not me!
NATHANIEL, SR. laughs and then looks concerned, as another car is coming head-on. He swerves out of the way.
NATE is driving. He honks at the other car, loudly and repeatedly.
Nate: Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Scene Ten: Brenda's House
This scene is a montage of events in BRENDA's day, from afternoon to night. She puts on rock n' roll music, empties her closet, throws out old CDs, throws stuff around, smokes pot, reads "Nathaniel and Isabel in Space," and dances until it is dark outside. She lies in her bed, zonked and depressed, and smokes.
Scene Eleven: Fisher Kitchen, dinnertime
The whole family prepares for dinner.
Ruth: (saying Grace) We thank you, Heavenly Father, for this and all thy blessings in Christ's name, amen.
David: Amen.
They eat.
Ruth: I've invited Nikolai to dinner Sunday night. I'd like you all to be there.
Claire: (making a face) Nikolai the flower guy?
Ruth: Yes, he and I are having a sexual relationship now. I'm not sure if it's something that's going to last, but, well, there it is. (there’s a beat and CLAIRE and NATE exchange astonished looks) We're all adults, we're all sexual beings, we should acknowledge that.
Nate: (beat) OK.
Ruth: Nate, I'd like you to invite Brenda. Claire, I'd like you to invite Gabriel Dimas. And David, if you've got a special friend, I'd like for him to come as well.
David: Why is my friend special?
Ruth: Alright. If you're having sex with anyone, I'd like to meet him. Is that better?
David: Not really.
NATE and CLAIRE laugh.
Ruth: Stop acting like children! (NATE goes to cupboard) Where are you going?
Nate: I'm just getting an aspirin.
Ruth: Do you have a headache?
Nate: No, I read somewhere that you should take an aspirin a day. It keeps the blood thin.
David: Please, if our blood were any thinner, we'd evaporate.
NATE takes his aspirin and returns to the table.
Ruth: What's that supposed to mean? Was supposed to be some sort of insult, we're thin-blooded?
David: Mom, no, it was a joke. I'm more thin-blooded than any of us, probably.
Ruth: Are you seeing anyone? (NATE and CLAIRE also look at him)
David: No.
Ruth: Well, why not? Sex is an important and healthy part of life. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
David: Yes, I know that. Unfortunately I'm not having any right now.
Ruth: What happened to that cop, the black man?
David: He met someone else.
There’s an awkward pause. RUTH takes a laddle and NATE offers her the sweet potatoes.
Ruth: Thank you.
Scene Twelve: Fisher Basement/Brenda's Bedroom
NATE sits on the stairs in the hallway, talking to BRENDA on his cell phone.
Nate: You don't have any free time tomorrow?
Brenda: (O.S.) I don't think so.
Nate: I'd really like to see you.
Brenda: (O.S.) I have 3 shiatsu appointments... (now we see her, she is lying in bed) Well, you're the one that wanted me to get on with my life.
Nate: Well, you can still come Sunday night for dinner, right? I mean, even if just for the entertainment value. It's bound to be a freakfest.
Brenda: I think so. Maybe.
Nate: I miss you.
Brenda: You just saw me.
Nate: I know. I'd just really like to be with you this moment in time. Right now.
Brenda: I'll see you soon. Sunday, okay?
Nate: Love you.
Brenda: Love you too. (hangs up)
NATE walks into the prep room, where RICO is unwrapping BECKY.
Nate: Hey, Rico.
Rico: Hey, Boss Man! I've got a favor to ask you.
Nate: Okay.
Rico: Could you please drop her off at the crematorium for me tonight?
Nate: Uh--
Rico: Oh, come on, man, Vanessa's just a bit overwhelmed at home. Julio's got a cold and Augusto hasn't slept through the night in like a month.
NATE looks down at BECKY’s corpse for a long beat. Then...
Nate: No, no, I can't. (RICO just stares at him open-mouthed) I'm sorry, Rico, but I can't. I just can't.
Rico: (not happy at all) OK. Well, can you at least help me put her inside the box? (indicates a large, cardboard box)
Nate: Sure. (puts latex gloves on while RICO still stares at him) So, cardboard box, huh? Classy.
Rico: Well, she obviously didn't think her life was worth anything, so it makes sense to me. On 3. (NATE and RICO prepare to lift her) 1... 2... 3. (they get her in the box)
Nate: It's kind of sad.
Rico: It's not. She threw her fuckin' life away. It's not sad. It's pathetic. (he leaves in a huff)
NATE looks after him, then down at BECKY, lying there.
The screen fades to white.
Act Two
Scene One: St. Stephen's, Sunday morning
DAVID attends Mass at St. Stephen's again. KEITH and EDDIE are also in the congregation and DAVID stares at them.
Minister: (female, same from Season One) We tend to forget how many gifts God has given each and every one of us, because our lives are so filled with distractions, crowded with messages competing for our attention, encouraging us to be unhappy with our lives. If only we looked younger, had perfect skin, zero body fat. The truth of the matter is God loves us just the way we are.
Scene Two: Diner
DAVID has lunch with KEITH and EDDIE.
David: Some people said: "Congratulations, you've really shaken things up." Whatever. But most people in the congregation wouldn't even make eye contact with me after that. So, now I'm back at St. Stephen's. So, how are you guys?
Keith: Good. We're good.
Eddie: Just got back from a weekend in San Diego. Spectacular.
Keith: Yeah, we went parasailing.
Eddie: Keith won't admit it, but he was scared to death.
Keith: I was not scared. I may have had a little rush of adrenaline, but, hey, that's the point, right?
Eddie: I'm gonna have him hang-gliding by the end of the year, if it kills me.
Keith: In your dreams, fool! I am not breaking every bone in my body just to impress you.
Eddie: Seven years I've been hang-gliding. I never broke anything.
Keith: You're just lucky.
Eddie: Don't I know it?
DAVID dreams of a beauty pageant. There is a line of good-looking black men in suits. Each one wears a sash: Mr. Gay Black Plumber, Mr. Gay Black Teacher, Mr. Gay Black Lawyer. KEITH wears a Mr. Gay Black Policeman sash, and EDDIE wears a Mr. Gay Black EMT sash. Suddenly, we see DAVID, also standing on the stage entirely naked, covering his genitals with his hands. His sash reads, "Mr. White-Ass Cracker."
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, only one of these men will be crowned Mr. Gay Black America!
DAVID snaps out of his nightmare.
Keith: Did I tell you I'm moving?
David: Where?
Keith: Same building. A bigger place opened up. We've been wanting to get a dog.
David: Great!
Scene Three: Brenda's House
A famous author lies on his stomach on a shiatsu mat. BRENDA gives him a massage.
Author: Do I seem more tense than usual?
Brenda: You're not supposed to talk. Remember? It takes us both out of it.
Author: Yeah.
Brenda: The only conversation is between your body and my hands.
Author: Yeah, well, correct me if I'm wrong, but we're on my time here. I discovered one of the worst things about selling 3 million books is constantly feeling like I have to apologize for it. Ya know? It's like, oh, I make a ton of money, so I must be part of the problem!
Brenda: Yes.
Author: What?
Brenda: You do seem more tense than usual.
Author: I'm not responsible for cancer. I'm not responsible for world hunger. What if I'm just happy and that's my contribution to the world, ya know? I'm thinking of pitching a book to my publisher, a cultural history tracing the how, the why and when it became such a sin to be happy.
Throughout this speech, BRENDA becomes more and more frustrated, and rougher with her massage.
Brenda: Drop!
Author: Who knows? Might help some of those poor sad fucks who are incapable of experiencing joy.
Brenda: Get out of my house.
Author: Excuse me?
Brenda: Get the fuck out of my house!
Author: What is wrong with you?
Brenda: You don't have one shred of respect for me or what I do. I'm just another fucking servant who's supposed to listen to your bullshit and pretend like I don't think you're the stupid asshole windbag that you are!
Author: You crazy bitch! I am paying you for shiatsu, and I intend to get a shiatsu.
Brenda: I don't need your fucking money.
Author: I do not allow people to treat me like this.
Brenda: Yeah? Well, if you don't get out of my fucking house right now, I'll call the L.A. Times and I'll tell them about the lipo scars on your ass. Get out now! Get out! Get out! Get out!
She throws his clothes at him in a pile and he leaves. BRENDA gets her pot out.
Scene Four: Fisher Kitchen
NATE goes to the cupboard, gets out the aspirin and takes another pill.
Scene Five: Fisher Basement
CLAIRE shows the prep room to GABE.
Gabe: So this is where the magic happens!
Claire: Yeah, this is it.
Gabe: What's that smell? It's like--
Claire: Disinfectant, burnt coffee, enbalming fluid.
Gabe: Yum. (opens a cupboard and reads the label on a container of "Living Splendour") "For the velvety look and feel of actual living tissue." No fuckin' way!
Claire: You do not even want to know. They have these plastic, like, screws, only bigger, that they, like, stick into people's orifices so stuff won't spill out.
Gabe: That's some kind of fucked up.
Claire: Well, welcome to my world!
There’s a long beat as GABE realizes something.
Gabe: So this is where my brother was?
Claire: Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought you down here.
Gabe: Hey, I'm the one who asked to see it.
They kiss. CLAIRE gives him a weird face.
Gabe: What?
Claire: You're the first guy I've ever brought home to meet my family, and I feel weird, ya know? I feel nervous.
Gabe: Don't worry. I will be on my best behavior. Come on.
Scene Six: Fisher Living Room
DAVID sits at one chair, facing NIKOLAI, CLAIRE and GABE, who are sitting on the couch. Classical music plays in the background. This is a very awkward scene, for everybody involved!
Nikolai: Your mother is a good woman.
David: Yes, we're aware of that.
Claire: David, give him a break! (to NIKOLAI) Sorry, you'll have to excuse my brother. He's been majorly crank ever since he stopped getting laid.
Long beat, then...
Nikolai: (to David) How old you are?
David: 31.
Nikolai: Ah, 31. I had a son. He would be a little bit older than you. He was student of medicine.
NATE enters with BRENDA. He nibbles on her ear and gropes her in front of everybody. He seems a little strange.
Nate: Hey, look who's here.
Claire: Hi.
Nikolai: Hello.
Brenda: Hi.
Nate: Nikolai. Gabriel Dimas.
Scene Seven: Fisher Dining Room
Everyone is seated. RUTH brings the food in. Her hair is down. NATE pours himself a big glass of wine and drinks the whole thing down in a few gulps.
Nate: (to BRENDA) I've got major cotton mouth.
Ruth: Who wants to say grace?
DAVID opens his mouth to speak but NIKOLAI is quicker.
Nikolai: I will say grace. The poor shall eat and be filled. And those that seek the Lord shall praise him. Their hearts will live forever and ever. Glory be to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, both now and forever, and on to the ages of ages, amen. (All say "Amen" and get ready to eat, but NIKOLAI is not done. He starts to beat his chest. Everyone look on weirdly, CLAIRE barely controlling laughter) Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord bless. Oh, Lord, Jesus Christ, son of God, for the sake of the prayers of thy most pure mother and all the saints, have mercy on us. Amen.
Everyone begins to eat. NATE stares at NIKOLAI, strangely. Everybody at the table is starting to realize something's wrong with him.
Nate: Nikolai, you are so beautiful.
Nikolai: Thank you.
Nate: You're such a beautiful person. There is this total light coming out of you.
There’s a beat as everbody freezes. Then...
Ruth: That's a very unusual compliment, Nate.
Gabe: (whispers to CLAIRE) Your brother is, like, high.
Claire: (whispers back) I know, look at his eyes.
DAVID hears them.
David: (whispers to NATE) Nate?
Nate: Mm?
David: Are you alright?
Nate: Oh, I am more than alright. (he takes the bottle of wine and pours another glass, sloppily. He fills the glass to the top and wine spills down the edges. He laughs) I haven't felt this good in... I don't know how long it's been.
He sips the wine. BRENDA laughs.
Nate: Yes! Yes! Yes! You know how long it's been since I've heard you do that?
Brenda: What?
Nate: When we first started going out, you used to laugh all the time. I miss that. Your laughter's like music. (starts to make out with her)
Brenda: Honey.
Nate: What?
Brenda: You're high.
Nate: No, I'm not. Am I?
Brenda: Look at the light.
He stares at the chandelier, transfixed.
Nate: Oh... My God, I am high!
GABE laughs.
Nate: I love the little like, what are they, halos?
DAVID makes a face.
Nikolai: What is he high on?
Ruth: I wouldn't know.
CLAIRE smiles and shakes her head “I don’t know either.”
Nate: I am so not hungry.
Scene Eight: Fisher Kitchen, after dinner
RUTH and NIKOLAI talk in the kitchen. RUTH is doing the dishes while NIKOLAI sits at the table drinking a shot of vodka.
Nikolai: Well, I think this went pretty good tonight, eh?
Ruth: What are you talking about? It was awkward and embarrassing.
Nikolai: What?
Ruth: One of my sons is high on drugs! (she points out to NATE, who’s goofing around in the TV room) What am I supposed to do about that? Should I intervene? Join a support group?
Nikolai: He just seems happy.
CLAIRE and GABE enter.
Claire: We're going to the movies.
Gabe: Good night, Mrs. Fisher. Thank you for dinner.
Claire: We haven't decided yet, but we'll be back late.
RUTH starts to say something in protest, but CLAIRE cuts her off.
Claire: Mom, you said yourself: we're all adults. We'll be back late. Good night. (RUTH shakes her head dissaprovingly. CLAIRE kisses her cheek; to NIKOLAI) Good night.
Nikolai: Good night.
CLAIRE and GAVE leave and RUTH goes back to doing the dishes, shaking her head some more.
Scene Nine: Fisher TV Room
NATE is standing and talking to DAVE and BRENDA, who are sitting on the couch. He is still high as a kite, making weird hand movements and laughing.
Nate: It's all about flowing. It flows up, it flows down, and then sometimes things stop it from flowing and you stand, and it's like you just move in a little pool, ya know? Like you're in a little eddy. And that's what it all comes down to, is everything. Everything in my life. Everything, you know this thing, this thing in my head. It's all about flow. (blows a little like the wind)
David: Flow?
NATE starts blowing, making wind-like sounds.
David: Uh-huh.
NATE gets down on his knees and puts his head in DAVID's lap.
Nate: Oh, my God! (laughs) Oh, my God! That is so totally you! That is just so totally David! I love you. (hugs his legs)
Brenda: OK, I'm outta here! (gets up)
David: No, you have to take him with you!
Nate: (to DAVID) Hope I didn't do anything to fuck you up when we were kids.
Brenda: (to DAVID) Not when he's like this!
Nate: (to BRENDA) Did you know I taught David how to masturbate?
BRENDA laughs. DAVID looks... well... like so totally DAVID!
Brenda: No, I didn't, and you know what, Nate?: that's fascinating, but I have to go.
Nate: No, no, no, just wait a second. I just want to say bye. Come here. Come here. (walks over to her on his knees and hugs her legs. BRENDA and DAVID exchange looks) Oh, God. I love you so fucking much!
Brenda: You're so fucking high!
Nate: But how'd I get that way? You can't just get high out of nowhere, you have to take drugs. I didn't take any.
David: Did you take any aspirin?
Nate: Yeah.
David: I think there may have been a stray tab of Ecstasy in the aspirin bottle in the kitchen cabinet.
BRENDA and NATE laugh.
Brenda: (to NATE) Oh, dear, you call me when you crash. No, call me after you crash. You know what? Call me next week. (she leaves, still laughing)
Nate: (sits next to DAVID) I hope that you like her. It's important to me that you like her.
David: I do like her.
Nate: (points to DAVE's chest and rubs it) 'Cause you're the only brother I have.
Scene Ten: Movie Theatre
CLAIRE and GABE are watching "Whack Job," the scene where BECKY is killed. The theatre is packed.
The Butcher: (on the screen) Time to kiss your sweet ass goodbye, cupcake!
People yell.
Gabe: Yeah, slice her up!
Claire: That was hostile.
Gabe: Isn't that the girl that you guys were burying? She's hot.
Claire: She's hot and dead.
On screen (but off ours :-( ) the slicing is on. The audience goes “Ohhh” and some people close their eyes, CLAIRE among them. GABE also tries to shield her eyes from the screen.
Scene Eleven: Fisher TV Room/Dream Room
NATE sits, lies down, sits and lies down again, on the couch in front of the TV screen, totally zonked. TV shows blend from one to the other, indicating the progression of hours of him watching TV and how stoned he is, with images blending in to each other. He hears female laughter from the other room. He sits up and looks at his watch.
Nate: Fuck.
He gets up to investigate. He slowly walks down the hallway and sees a door he's never seen before. He hears more female laughter. He walks up to the door, opens it and sees a very strange sight. Three people are at a Chinese Checkers table--a middle-aged white man, smoking a cigar, who is DEATH; an overweight black woman, dressed like Miss Cleo from the psychic commercials, who is LIFE, and NATHANIEL, SR. They are playing a heated game. The room is strangely lit and filled with Oriental symbols.
Nathaniel, Sr.: (smoking a cigarette) Buddy boy! (gets up and hugs NATE. More female laughter.) Saved a place for you.
Nate: Chinese checkers. Always hated this game.
Nathaniel, Sr.: That's because you've never played it for money. Nate, why don't you meet a couple of friends of mine? Uh, this (indicates the man, NATE shakes his hand) well, this is the man. (beat) Death. (NATE freezes) The Grim Reaper.
Death: Cigar.
Nate: (letting go of Death’s grip) Uh, no thanks.
Life: Good for you, baby. That stuff is nasty!
Nathaniel, Sr.: And, uh, this, well, this is--
Death: My partner.
Life: Oooh! That sounds so professional! I love it!
Death: Life.
Nate: Shut up!
Life: Oh, yeah, it's a whole yin-yang thing!
Nate: You telling me you two are in business together?
Life: (laughing) Honey, me and him are in all kinds of shit together!
Death: Let's just say it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Life: (to NATE) It's your turn.
Nate: Uh. Shouldn't I wait for you to start a new game?
Life: This game ain't never gonna end.
Death: You're either in the game or you're out.
Nathaniel, Sr.: On or off the bus, if you'd prefer.
Nate: Alright, I'm in. (sits down)
Nathaniel, Sr.: You need to put some in the kitty, son.
Nate: What are you betting?
All: Everything.
Nate: Alright. I'll bet everything. Whatever.
They all make their moves. DEATH jumps over many of NATE's pieces.
Nate: Oooh, oooh, I'm shaking!
Nathaniel, Sr.: Hey, buddy boy, no, no. You do not want to get this guy mad. Believe me.
Death: Oh, I don't get mad. I have people who do it for me. (makes a deep, demonic, inhuman laugh, that mixes with a lion's roar)
Life: Show off! (to NATE) But that always gets me goin'! (laughs) (to DEATH) You wanna fuck me, puppet head?
DEATH nods and roars. She gets on his lap, unzips his fly, and they start fucking right there on the chair.
Death: Whoa, Momma!
Life: Yeah, baby! That's it! Go to town, Big Daddy!
NATE watches, not believing what he is seeing. NATHANIEL, SR. sits next to him.
Nathaniel, Sr.: Big cosmic mystery. Right here. Right in front of you. Can't say your old man never took you any place interesting.
Nate: I'm high. You know?, I'm high.
Nathaniel, Sr.: (caresses his head) "All that lives lives forever. Only the shell, the perishable, passes away. The spirit is without end. Eternal. Deathless."
NATE wakes up on the couch. He holds his aching head. He grabs the TV Guide sitting on the coffee table and a pen. He jots down the details of his dream and what NATHANIEL, SR. said to him.
The screen fades to white.
Act Three
Scene One: David's Apartment/Keith's Apartment (next morning)
DAVID sits at the kitchen table and calls KEITH on the phone. KEITH is in bed with EDDIE, fast asleep. The phone wakes him up. He answers it.
Keith: Hello?
David: Oh, no, did I wake you?
Keith: David? Yeah, you did. What's up?
David: I just wanted to thank you for inviting me out with you and Eddie yesterday after church.
Keith: Okay.
David: And to tell you that it's really important to me that we've remained friends. (KEITH gets out of bed and takes the phone into the hallway) And, if you'd ever like to do something, you know, just the two of us, well, I'd really like that.
Keith: Look, David, I'm happy we're friends, but I'm in a relationship. A good one.
David: I know.
Keith: You and me, it ain't happening.
David: Yeah, I know that. It's just hard for me to be around you and Eddie together.
Keith: Yeah, well, you need to get over that.
David: Jesus, Keith, could you be a little more self-reighteous? (hangs up on him)
Scene Two: Fisher Kitchen
RUTH comes down in her robe. DAVID is making coffee.
David: Good morning, Mom.
Ruth: You're up early.
David: I've been having trouble sleeping recently. Not sure why.
RUTH takes over the coffee making. DAVID sits at the table.
David: Where's Nikolai?
Ruth: Home.
David: He didn't stay over?
Ruth: Of course not.
David: You know, Mom, if you did want for him to stay over, that would be your right.
Ruth: I know that. I don't need your permission.
David: No, you don't. Nor do I need yours.
Ruth: Of course not. (beat) You had a terrible time last night, didn't you?
David: (beat) Kind of. (laughs a little)
Ruth: I did it for you. Arranged the whole evening.
David: Why?
Ruth: Because some stupid book told me to.
David: Well, throw that book away.
Ruth: I intend to. (beat) Does Nate have a problem with drugs now? Is this something I need to know about?
David: I think he took it by accident.
Ruth: How could something like that be an accident?
DAVID makes a gesture pretending ignorance.
Scene Three: Slumber Room, Becky's Viewing
BECKY's MANAGER stands at the podium holding her mini-urn. CLAIRE and GABE sit among the mourners, at the back of the room.
Manager: Rebecca Milford's star shone all too briefly. But, oh, how brightly it shone.
Claire: (whispers to GABE) This is really boring.
Manager: How very, very brightly indeed!
Gabe: No, it's hilarious, is what it is.
Claire: Gabe, a girl died.
Gabe: So what? Everybody dies.
CLAIRE looks concerned and GABE gets up and walks away. The camera moves to NATE and DAVID, watching the service from the next room.
Nate: What the hell is Ecstacy doing in the aspirin bottle? Is that Claire's idea of a joke?
David: I think I might have left it in there.
Nate: (beat, shocked, kind of amused) Where did you get it?
David: You remember the square-dancing guy?
Nate: Do you think you could get some more?
DAVID laughs, shakes his head. BRODY goes to the podium.
Brody: I wrote something, about Becky that I'd like to share with everyone here.
BRODY takes out a small piece of paper on which he's scrawled the lyrics to a song he wrote about her. He put his hand to his ear and sings with dreadful earnesty. But his singing is awful, as is the song and the lyrics. It is important, however, that he does not see the humor in it at all, and neither do most of the mourners. CLAIRE does, however, and so do RICO, NATE and DAVID, who have trouble supressing their laughter.
Brody: (sings) "Tiny Venus, / Your breath like baby rabbits on a field / Abuzz with bees and life / Little did you know / How briefly the sun would shine upon / Your own private Utopia. / Your candle may have been blown out, / But you hang in the air / Like smoke."
There is tepid applause.
Scene Four: Prep Room
CLAIRE enters the prep room, where GABE is standing.
Claire: What are you doing down here?
Gabe: It was a stupid idea for me to go to a funeral for fun.
Claire: Yeah, I tried to tell you that.
Gabe: OK, so you were right.
Claire: (goes up to him, touches his arm) Are you okay?
Gabe: (pulls his arm away) I'm fine. Why do you have to-- (yells now) I'M NOT A PET! I'M NOT YOUR PET!
Claire: I'm sorry.
Gabe: (walks out) I'm going home.
Scene Five: Room Behind the Curtain
RICO has an argument with ANGIE.
Rico: Angie, you said you guys were all pitching in together to pay for this.
Angie: Yeah, I paid my 600 bucks and I'm not paying a penny more. Do you know how rude that girl was to me?
Rico: Do you know how this is going to make me look to Nate and David?
Angie: So, go talk to Brody. He's the one who supposedly can't come up with his share.
Rico: Hey, you're the one who brought this funeral here.
Angie: So?
Rico: So--so maybe you need to come up with the difference.
Angie: Well, maybe you need to get off my case, considering I just gave your wife 500 bucks so she could pay for fucking diapers!
Rico: What are you talking about?
Angie: You heard me.
Rico: What the fuck are you talking about?
Angie: She asked me for it.
RICO storms off, speaking in Spanish.
Scene Six: Slumber Room
BRODY and a few other mourners sit in a circle, cutting up coke with BECKY's ashes. BRODY snorts it, using a dollar. CLAIRE enters.
Claire: What are you doing?
Brody: This way (beat as he points to the sky... or the ceiling :-) she'll always be a part of us.
The others nod their agreement.
Claire: You fucking moron! You're all fucking morons! You are all such incredibly stupid losers!
Brody: Whoa, chill!
Claire: (really incensed) You people are fucking disgusting!
Brody: Who the hell are you?
Claire: Fucking bunch of junkies!
Nate: (comes up to her) Claire, this is not cool!
Claire: Do you see what these people are fucking doing?
Nate: I know they are, okay? But this is our business, these are our clients, this is their funeral. They can do whatever they want.
Claire: (to BRODY) Well, we'll see you back here real soon, okay? And we'll be snorting you next time!
Scene Seven: The Beach/Fisher Kitchen
NATE and BRENDA sit together on a towel. NATE reads his notes from his dream to BRENDA.
Nate: "All that lives lives forever. Only the shell, the perishable, passes away. The spirit is--"
BRENDA joins in with him.
Both: “...without end. Eternal. Deathless.”
He looks at her, incredulously.
Brenda: Yeah. It's the "Baghavad Gita."
Nate: Really?
Brenda: Yeah.
Nate: Well, I never read it.
Brenda: You read it at my house.
Nate: I don't think so.
Brenda: Don't you remember? I went on and on and on about the Peter Borough production of the "Mahamba Rada" in London? Hmm?
He nods.
Nate: But it felt so profound! Are you telling me it's just recycled crap from my brain?
Brenda: From your drug-addled brain.
NATE's cell phone rings.
Nate: (answers) Hello?
David: (sitting at the kitchen table) So were you just not going to tell me or did you just forget?
Nate: Forget what?
David: A certain test you took recently. They posted the results today. Congratulations, Mr. Funeral Director.
Nate: (laughs) You gotta be shitting me!
David: I'm looking at your name, as plain as day. "Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, Jr."
Nate: I'd totally forgotten about that!
David: (beat) I'm proud of you, Nate.
Nate: Thanks. (beat) I'll see you later. (hangs up; notices BRENDA standing up) Where are you going?
Brenda: I have a client at 8:30.
Nate: That's a little late, isn't it?
Brenda: No, it's not that late.
Nate: Can I come over later?
Brenda: Not tonight, okay? I'm having enough trouble just being with myself right now. I'm sorry, it's not you. (beat) It's me. I'm fucked up. (they hold hands) You can't fix it.
She walks away. NATE stays there a while, staring at the ocean. Suddenly, he stands up and with all his clothes on, walks out into the ocean. He keeps walking and walking until he is covered by the waves.
NATE is staring at the water. NATHANIEL, SR. appears on the towel, beside him.
Nathaniel, Sr.: You're in the game now, buddy boy. Whether you like it or not.
NATE sits alone on the beach towel. We leave him alone with his thoughts.
The screen fades to white.
END OF ACT THREE
END CREDITS