Épisode Le plan S02E03 - Six Feet Under Saison 2

Prelude

Scene: Piper Driveway/Hospital Room

MICHAEL PIPER puts suitcases into the trunk of his car on a spring day. A dog barks in the background.

Michael: Okay, let's go, Eileen! Are you packed? Don't forget the dog, honey.

EILEEN, MICHAEL's wife, wakes up in the hospital room in a bed near her husband. She gets out of bed and walks over to her husband, who is asleep in his bed, dying of cancer at the age of 49. He is hooked up to an IV and has a tube running from his nose. She walks up to him. RITA, his mother, stands near them, crying.

Eileen: Michael?

Michael: (eyes closed, talking in a confused, dreamlike state) Don't forget the dog, honey.

Eileen: How are you feeling? (sits beside him)

Michael: He's not in the car, is he?

Rita: (upset) Why is he talking about a dog? What dog?

Eileen: We had a dog in Boulder.

Michael: (opens his eyes, is conscious for a short while) What is this?

Eileen: We're in the hospital. You're sick, remember?

Rita: But you're gonna be just fine.

Eileen: Rita, lying to him doesn't help anybody but you.

RITA looks horrified.

MICHAEL starts breathing heavily and clutching his chest.

Michael: (struggling) Stop it!

Rita: (in the background) Nurse!

Eileen: It's okay to let go.

Michael: I'm gonna beat it.

Eileen: But maybe you can't. You don't have to.

Michael: Why would you say that?

Eileen: I don't want you to be scared.

Michael: I don't want to die. I'm not gonna die.

Eileen: That's just your body, it's not you.

Michael: That's bullshit, Eileen.

A NURSE comes up to them.

Nurse: (to EILEEN) Excuse me. (hands MICHAEL a morphine drip button) Here you go. We're going to increase your morphine, alright, Mr. Parker? (leaves)

He grips the morphine drip and closes his eyes. EILEEN watches him.

Eileen: (stunned) Do you see? Rita, above his head? The light?

Michael: (talking to the remembered dog) Oh, yes, he's a good boy! He's a good boy! (whistles, faintly for the dog)

The scene fades to white as the camera rises above MICHAEL's head. We hear the dog barking in the background.

"MICHAEL JOHN PIPER,
1952-2001

Act One

Scene One: Fisher & Sons office, morning

DAVE is going on-line, reading intently off the computer screen. NATE enters as DAVE prints out some pages.

Nate: Better hurry up. We've got Mrs. Piper at 8:30.

Dave: Yeah, I'll be right there.

Nate: Whatcha doin', Dave? Downloading some pics from Mansluts.com? (picks up the printed pages with the headline:...) "Living with AVM." Great, Dave, thanks. (drops the pages on the desk)

Dave: I just thought we should have all the information.

Nate: Well, I have all the information.

Dave: I don't think you do. If you don't get this treated, you could have seizures with muscular twitching, loss of verbal skills. You could even have some kind of hemorrhage at some point.

Nate: Or I could be on the wrong airplane at some point, or so could you. Alright? Come on.

Scene Two: New Intake Room

EILEEN looks at all the casket demos on the casket wall. NATE and DAVE stand near her. She stops at one casket.

Dave: “The Parliament.” It's very elegant.

Eileen: Yes. I like it, but Michael thinks it's tacky. (she goes to another casket)

Dave: That's “The Clevelland.” It's a more affordable choice but, as you can see, it's not quite as gracious.

Eileen: Really. No, but it's just so sort of, self-effacing. (seemingly to the air) But why?

Nate: Mrs. Piper?

Eileen: (back to NATE and DAVE) I'm sorry. Can you excuse me for a moment? I can't carry on 2 conversations at once. (NATE and DAVE look perplexed. Eileen goes back to talking to the air) It's exactly like that horrible IKEA couch your mother bought us! (to NATE and DAVE) Michael claims to love this one. In my opinion, he's just trying to do what he thinks his mother wants, which is typical, really. (to MICHAEL) Fine, deny it! Why change now?

Dave: Would you like to sit down for a minute?

Eileen: Oh, I'm fine. It's just Michael's here. He didn't want to deal with any of this stuff when he was alive. You know, the funeral. Now, he's very opinionated.

Nate: Wow.

Eileen: I'm a psychic, so, you know...

Nate: Wow.

Dave: That must be very interesting for you.

Eileen: It's just more information. This room has a lot of pain in it.

Dave: Well... yes.

Eileen: (to NATE) You have a lot in your mind. On your mind, I mean. Don't you?

Nate: Yeah. I guess so.

Eileen: Don't worry. It's okay, alright? (brushes his cheek briefly) It's all gonna be okay.

Nate: Uh, thanks.

Eileen: (to MICHAEL) Alright, honey, if that's what you want. It's your funeral.

Scene Three: Fisher Kitchen

NATE and DAVE stand near each other. DAVE takes out a jar of mixed nuts and picks out the Brazil nuts, one by one.

Nate: (hands him a business card) Hey, look, she gave me her card.

Dave: (reading) "Spiritual Consultation and Past Life Regression"? Oh, for God's sake, who does this? Who spends a hundred dollars to be told they were once Eleanor of Acquitaine? (NATE gives him a weird look) Or whoever... the Marquis de Sade.

Nate: So what do you think happens after we die? Heaven?

Dave: Or Hell.

Nate: Really?

Dave: Yeah.

Nate: Yeah, but with, like angels and devils or brimstone, or whatever?

Dave: I don't know what it looks like, or who else is there, but, yeah, I do believe there are consequences for the way we live our lives.

Nate: Huh. You know?, sometimes I feel like Dad's around. Do you ever?

Dave: Nope. You know, we have the Independent Funeral Director's Lunch today, right?

Nate: Oh, man, why do I have to go? That's your thing.

Dave: It's your thing too, now. These are your colleagues. It's important to know who they are.

Nate: Yeah, I know who they are. I met them in Vegas. They're freaks.

Dave: They're not freaks. (pours the nuts he's put aside back into the jar)

Claire: (entering) Nobody likes the Brazil nuts, David. (goes over to the coffee machine, which is empty)

Dave: (to NATE, ignoring CLAIRE) Not the local guys.

Nate: Oh, yeah, I'm sure the L.A. morticians are a lot more fun than the guys from Montana.

Dave: You are an L.A. mortician now, Nate. This is your community.

Claire: You know, it's polite for the first person downstairs to make the coffee, even if that person has a penis. (pours ground coffee into the machine)

Nate: Well, you know, it's also polite for the first person who uses the bathroom to spend less than 45 minutes in there, even if that person has a vulva.

Ruth: (enters in a rush, all ready to leave) Oh, goodness, everybody's here.

Dave: With all their genitalia.

Ruth: Excuse me?

Dave: Mom, would you like some toast?

Ruth: Um, no, thanks. I have to be in the Valley by 10:30.

Nate: What's in the Valley?

Ruth: I'm going to a seminar.

Nate: What seminar?

Ruth: Oh, something Robbie invited me to. “The Plan.”

Claire: Isn't that like a cult?

Nate: No, it's one of those self-actualization things from the 70s where they yell at you for 12 hours and don't let you go to the bathroom.

Ruth: Oh, no, really? Should I bring some kind of jar?

Nate: A jar?

Ruth: I suppose that's not much of a solution. Oh, and you're on your own for dinner. I won't be back until after midnight. (leaves)

Claire: The thought of Mom being self-actualized is kind of making me nauseous.

Nate: You sure it's not the thought of Mom pissing into a jar?

The coffee starts to drip into the pot, at just the right time. CLAIRE looks sick.

Scene Four: Plan Auditorium

The seats in the audience are full and ALMA is at the microphone, much like the last "Plan" seminar we saw. RUTH sits next to ROBBIE. A young Indian woman named TAHIRA stands on stage with ALMA.

Alma: So, Tahira, why can't you forgive your father?

Tahira: When I was 16, he had a dream that I had given myself to a man who was not the husband I had been promised to. For that, he set me on fire. (the whole audience makes a shocked noise) I was able to save myself. But I had to leave the country so that he would not kill me. And always, I will have the scars from this.

She brushes her hair away from the right side of her face, to reveal horrible burn scars. The audience is stunned.

Alma: That's horrible. Truly horrible.

Tahira: (cries) How can he do this to me?

Alma: But as long as you hold on to that anger toward your father, you will be on fire. You may have left the country, but you are still living in the same house. And in that house, there is a room that is still burning. Who lives in this room?

Tahira: (coyly) I do?

Alma: Your father is still living in this room. So you never invite anyone in and you go through life alone. You must open that door. Put out the flames. You must invite your father to come visit you! (there is some shocked stirring in the audience)

Tahira: But he won't even speak to me.

Alma: That is your old blueprint! That is what you want to believe, because you are too afraid to tear down the walls and rebuild!

Female Audience Member: Oh, come on!

Female Audience Member #2: Stop blaming the victim!

Alma: Alright, who here thinks I'm being unfair? Be honest.

Almost the entire group raises its hand, except for ROBBIE and RUTH.

Alma: Ruth, do you agree? Until Tahira forgives her father, she will never feel safe in her home.

Ruth: (quietly) Well, maybe, but--

Alma: Speak up! We all paid to hear you. Why don't you stand?

Ruth: (clearly embarassed) Her father did such a terrible thing. I don't see why she has to have him as a houseguest!

Alma: If you don't agree with me, why didn't you raise your hand?

Ruth: I was just trying to understand your point.

Alma: Or do you think that your opinion doesn't matter? That, perhaps, you are just a guest here? Are you a guest in your own house, Ruth?

Ruth: I don't think so!

Robbie: Yes, she tiptoes around herself like she's afraid of waking someone up!

Alma: The only person sleeping in your house is you.

Ruth: Well, I do have three children.

Everyone laughs.

Robbie: You see? She's not even listening!

Alma: Ruth, you have to get out of bed, open the windows and let some light into your house, so you can see the way things are. Then, and only then, can you begin renovating your life! (turns her attention back to TAHIRA. RUTH looks around and coyly sits back down) So, Tahira, are you ready to renovate?

Tahira: Yes, I think so.

Alma: So, when you call your father, what will you say first?

Tahira: Um-- hello?

Scene Five: Gary's Office

CLAIRE enters her psychiatrist's office in a rush.

Claire: Sorry, my beaker exploded!

Gary: That's okay. Catch your breath. (she sits) So, how's it going?

Claire: Um, well, I have hydrochloric acid in my hair but, other than that, I'm fine.

Gary: Really?

Claire: No, but I'm incredibly bored with myself right now. Let's talk about you. How's your girlfriend? What's her name?

Gary: Jenny. Fine, thanks. How's it going with Gabriel?

Claire: I have no idea. I haven't even talked to him in like 2 weeks. (sees a picture of JENNY on his desk, picks it up) Is that her?

Gary: Mm hmm.

Claire: What does she do?

Gary: She's a jewelry designer.

Claire: Really? Does she have like a store?

Gary: Uh, no, she has clients and she caters. But, uh, we're not here to talk about Jenny. (she puts the picture down) Look, I think it might help to tell me what it is you're going through right now.

Claire: Well, it's all a big fucking mystery. I mean, it sucks. It sucks to be pretty much in love with a guy who's too fucked up for life, ya know?

Gary: What happened?

Claire: Nothing really. Just, whatever. You know, it's not even his fault. And it fucking pisses me off, the whole thing, this whole family thing is so fucking unfair, and I really just thought he needed, like, I don't know--

Gary: You?

Claire: No. But someone, maybe, you know, some person on the planet who gives a fuck about him, for once in his life. Yeah, I did think that maybe that would matter.

Gary: Well, it does matter. No one can ever solve someone's life.

Claire: So, basically, your job's totally pointless.

Gary: (smiles) No one but a guidance counselor, I mean.

Scene Six: Astro Family Restaurant Coffee Shop

NATE and DAVE enter the diner to see three men: STAN and JACK, who are middle-aged, and BOBO, who is a bit older, sitting at one of the tables.

Dave: There they are.

Nate: That's the community? I thought this was supposed to be an event.

Dave: Oh, it's an event.

Nate: Didn't I meet one of those guys in Vegas?

Dave: Bobo, from Peaceful Haven.

Nate: Right! He spits.

Dave: Yes, he does. (they reach the table)

Stan: Hey!

Dave: Stan. Jack. Bobo. This is my brother: Nate.

Jack: (shakes NATE's hand) Nice to see you, Nate.

Nate: Nice to meet you, Jack.

Bobo: Bobo.

Nate: (shakes his hand) Good seeing you, Bobo.

Stan: (stands and hugs him, NATE is taken a little aback) Hey, congratulations! We heard you just got your license to operate a moving funeral! (laughs)

Nate: Yup, finally went pro.

Stan: Yeah, well, sit, sit.

Nate: No, go ahead.

Stan: No, no, after you. Age before beauty.

Nate: Right. (sits)

Stan: Yeah, so David tells us that you are very gifted.

DAVID sits.

Nate: He does?

Jack: We were just giving Stan grief for approaching our customers with false advertising.

Nate: Well, that sounds like something Kroehner would do.

Bobo: Fucking Kroehner! Those cocksuckers! (looks at DAVID) Sorry. Those cunts! So this family goes off the 405. We get 5 bodies, right? My walk-in only holds 3. So, my guy's working overtime to get everyone juiced, but sometimes, you just have to leave them out for an hour or two beyond regulation. It happens, right? But those Kroehner fucks are just waiting for a chance to send in their lackey at the DCA, and BOOM! I get hit with a giant fine and a lawsuit! I will ram a plastic screw up my anus before I give in to those fucks! (looks at DAVID) No offense.

Dave: Do we have a waitress?

Stan: Yeah, she'll be back with the fries.

Nate: They are fucks. They're fucking evil fucks!

Bobo: They're sucking up all the Mom and Pops! I mean, businesses that people spent their lives building up!

Nate: They don't care about people! They don't care about lives!

Dave: Alright, Nate, we appreciate your passion, but--

Nate: No, no, no. All they care about is money, and it's not just our industry. It's everywhere! When corporations try to squeeze out all the competitors, the further management gets from labor, the more alienation there is in the workplace, and the more meaningless all our lives become!

Bobo: Fuck, yeah!

Jack: It's hopeless, isn't it?

Nate: No, no, I don't think it is. But we have to stick together and save our energy to fight Kroehner. You know, Stan?

Bobo: Yes! Yes! I love this guy!

The three men start to clap.

Bobo: Terrific! Terrific! Terrific!

NATE shrugs it off.

Scene Seven: Gary's Office, later in the day

CLAIRE enters the office with a piece of paper in her hand. GARY is standing there, as well as a female cop, DETECTIVE REESE.

Claire: I don't know, Gary, twice in one day? (notices the cop, stares)

Gary: Claire, this is Detective Reese.

Reese: Why don't you sit down, Claire?

GARY sits at his desk. CLAIRE sits in her usual seat. DETECTIVE REESE sits on the desk, with her notepad.

Reese: Any idea where Gabriel Dimas is?

Claire: Why would I?

Reese: He's a friend of yours, isn't he?

Claire: Yeah, but it's not like I know where he is every second of the day.

Reese: You have noticed that he hasn't been in school in the last two weeks?

Claire: Yeah, but I don't know where he is. I don't.

Reese: Did you know that he held up a convenience store with a gun?

Claire: (acting surprised) No!

Reese: Did you give or sell him embalming fluid?

Claire: No! (beat) My God!

Reese: So, how do you think he got it?

Claire: I don't know. The Internet? Don't they have catalogues for that stuff?

Reese: Maybe. Be a lot easier to get it from you. Don't you think?

Claire: No, because I would never do anything like that. I don't even know where they keep that stuff.

DETECTIVE REESE gets up and leaves. CLAIRE gives GARY a look to kill. He looks down, clearly uncomfortable.

Scene Eight: Brenda's House, nighttime

BRENDA lies on her stomach, on the living room floor, reading through a college catalogue. NATE enters the room from the kitchen with two beers, one for each of them.

Brenda: So, it's between "Ethics of Evolution" and "Biogenetics," I think.

Nate: Biogenetics? Really?

Brenda: What?

Nate: Well... yawn, kind of, right?

Brenda: Well, biogenetics might sound dull to you, but it's actually very smutty. It's all about sperm competition and cryptic ovulation.

Nate: Oh, yeah? What else you taking?

Brenda: I'm only doing one class.

Nate: I thought you were going back to school.

Brenda: I said I was gonna take a class. I still have to work, you know.

Nate: Fuck, if it's only one class, why not pick something interesting? (looks at another copy of the catalogue) How about this religious studies class? "Cross-Cultural Perspectives of the Afterlife."

Brenda: Yawn.

Nate: That's not boring, it's spiritual.

Brenda: Double yawn! Why don't you sign up for that and we can meet in the quad for lunch?

Nate: Hey, that'd be so fun! We could make out in the stocks, sneak into the pool at night, and go skinny-dipping on acid! (grabs her gently)

Brenda: Sounds like you did a lot of work in college.

Nate: Well, I was only in school for two years, but I learned a few things. (kisses her neck)

Brenda: About breaking into school property while tripping?

Nate: Hey, that'll help you in life.

They start to make out, but BRENDA gets up quickly and breaks the moment, taking her beer and heading for the kitchen.

Nate: What?

Brenda: (stops in her tracks, faces him) Hmm?

Nate: Oh, come on, Bren.

Brenda: I was just in the middle of something.

Nate: Look, it's been a while.

Brenda: (continues into the kitchen) Not that long.

Nate: Well, it's been three and a half weeks, and then on Tuesday, it'll be four weeks.

Brenda: Not that you're counting.

Nate: Yeah, I'm counting. I mean, have you not even noticed? (approaches her)

Brenda: You know, it's normal, after a certain point, for sex to slow down.

Nate: Yeah, slow down, ok, but stop?

Brenda: It can go months after a certain point.

Nate: Well, after a certain point, okay. Like six years, maybe. But six months?

Brenda: (reentering from the kitchen, sitting down again) Seven.

Nate: (sits down also) Not that you're counting.

Brenda: Listen, Nate, you've never been with anyone long enough to know this, but there is a certain ebb and flow that happens.

Nate: Well, not for everybody.

Brenda: It does. There will be times when you're not attracted to me at all. It's just a normal ebb.

Nate: Well, how long does a normal ebb last?

Brenda: I don't know, but I think that's the kind of question that prolongs the standard ebb.

Scene Nine: Fisher TV Room, late at night

CLAIRE sleeps on the couch, the TV is on. RUTH enters, CLAIRE awakens.

Claire: Mom? It's so late. I was kind of worried.

Ruth: It goes until midnight.

Claire: Well, was it fun?

Ruth: It was horrible.

Claire: So, you're not going back?

Ruth: (sits down beside her) Oh, I'm going back.

Claire: Why?

Ruth: I don't know. I don't want to be rude.

Claire: Mom, they don't care about that. They already got your money.

Ruth: Well, there's that too.

Claire: Well, do you want some, like, tea or something?

Ruth: Alright, what did you break?

Claire: Nothing! I was just being nice! God!

Ruth: I'm sorry! I was imposing my old blueprint on you!

Claire: Excuse me?

Ruth: In the old blueprint of my old house, you're only nice to me when you've done something bad, or when you want something.

Claire: Well, that makes me feel like shit.

Ruth: I'm sorry, but it really does seem that way to me. Well, I should go do my homework.

Claire: They give you homework?

Ruth: I have to write a letter to my dead mother and forgive her for all the terrible things she did to me.

Claire: That sounds like fun.

Ruth: And then I have to write a private letter to myself, outlining how I want to renovate my life. (gets up) Good night, dear.

Claire: Good night.

RUTH leaves. CLAIRE lies down and continues to watch TV.

The screen fades to white.

Act Two

Scene One: Prep Room, next afternoon

RICO puts MICHAEL's corpse down into the casket. NATE notices that MICHAEL's mouth has drooped open. AUGUSTO sits in a baby seat on a nearby table.

Rico: That's good.

Nate: Uh-- Rico, you forget something there? (mimics the open mouth)

Rico: Oh, shit! (goes to get crazy glue) Sorry, man. I got about 2 hours of sleep last night.

Nate: Augusto?

Rico: No, Angie, Vanessa's sister. She walks out on her boyfriend and comes over to wail in our living room all night long.

Nate: Women, huh?

Rico: Yeah, I'm telling you, man. And she shows up with this suitcase, like she's got some right now that-- (stops himself) She has all these fancy Hollywood friends who flash their money around all the time. I'm like, "What, you can't go somewhere there's a guest room?"

Nate: You know, Rico, I'm really sorry about that loan. It's just a really tight budget, ya know?

Rico: (gluing MICHAEL's mouth shut) That's okay. We got the house. Something else came through.

Nate: Well, that's great!

Rico: Yup, escrow closes next month.

Nate: Wow, that's super, man. So, hey, you and Vanessa have been together, what? Like five years now?

Rico: Married five, together eight. Man, can you believe that shit?

Nate: Okay, so this is sort of a personal question. You don't have to answer, but, um--you guys still, you know-- (tries to not have to say it but RICO encourages him to go on) pretty much, have sex?

Rico: (laughs) Well, you know, we've got 2 kids now, so it slows down a bit.

Nate: Right, right.

Rico: Yeah.

Nate: How slow?

Rico: Well, right after the baby, Vanessa's got all the wrong hormones and stuff, so-- now, you know, maybe-- 3 or 4 times a week.

Nate: (silently shocked) Wow, that's too bad, man.

Rico: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sucks! It's not like the first two years.

Nate: (laughs) Yeah.

Rico: (laughs) Yeah, you'd better enjoy it while you got it.

Nate: Yeah, no kidding, right?

NATE is very, very worried now about his relationship!

Scene Two: Gym

KEITH and DAVID wait outside the racquetball court for their turn to play. The previous guys have run over their time. KEITH is pacing, preoccupied and upset.

Keith: This moron always goes over. I should go in and correct his selfish ass!

Dave: Let them finish their game. We go over sometimes.

KEITH sits down beside him, still annoyed and preoccupied.

Dave: So, how's Eddie?

Keith: (a tinge of anger towards EDDIE in his voice) He's good. Things are good. I guess. (he gets up again)

Dave: Keith, what's going on?

Keith: I think my sister's fucking using that shit again. My mom's come up from San Diego to watch over, like that's gonna fix anything. According to her, everything is just fine now. I'm the one that's overreacting.

Dave: I don't think you're overreacting.

Keith: (genuinely happy for a moment) Thanks. (gets up again) Eddie hates racquetball.

Dave: Really, why?

Keith: Poor depth perception.

Dave: Hmm.

Keith: Can't play pool, either.

Dave: Well, that's too bad. (KEITH gets up again and DAVE secretly smiles.)

Scene Three: Biogenetics Class

The female PROFESSOR writes "FREE WILL?" in big letters on the blackboard, in chalk. The class is full of students. BRENDA sits at one of the desks.

Professor: So, let's not beat around the bush, shall we? Biology has a long history of being abused as an ideologic instrument to justify social inequities and amoral behavior. For those of you who have not yet read my book, the central argument I posit in "Genes Out of the Bottle: Evolution in Biotechnology" is that genetic engineering is, in and of itself, the most effective argument against biological determinism. Why?

A few students raise their hands. She calls on a male student.

Student: The thesis that you present so brilliantly (BRENDA smiles to herself and shakes her head at the kiss-up), is that, though biology manifests in behavior as we can see in the instinct of human males to seek a variety of sexual partners, the fact that we have the technology to modify genetics, confirms the supremacy of culture over biology.

Professor: Excellent! Other thoughts?

BRENDA raises her hand. The PROFESSOR calls on her.

Brenda: I have a question: isn't natural selection still operating, though, since members of the species who have access to genetic technologies are more likely to survive and procreate?

Professor: Well, that kind of reasoning leads us into a very questionable ethical terrain. Other comments?

Brenda: Well, what kind of reasoning? Scientific?

Professor: You can call it scientific but, as I discuss at great length in chapter two, your argument is a political assertion that privilege is biologically determined.

Brenda: I haven't actually read your book, but you can't tell me that survival isn't easier for people who are born with a private chef and health insurance!

The class laughs. The PROFESSOR gets pissed.

Professor: Well, maybe you should read the book before commenting on its thesis. Other comments? (a girl raises her hand) Yes?

Brenda: (interrupting) Excuse me, I'm sorry. Are we not allowed to disagree with you? I'm just asking because I'm new in the class.

Professor: Well, we certainly don't interrupt our classmates. (to girl) Go ahead.

Student #2: Well, in your discussion of bisexual genital rubbing among pigmy chimps, you note the exchange of sex for meat. And, well, I was wondering, how this might pertain to contemporary human behavior. (during this question, BRENDA gets her bag and books together, stands up, and walks to the door)

Professor: Any theories? (BRENDA leaves the classroom in a huff, slamming the door behind her)

Scene Four: Slumber Room

MICHAEL's casket lies open. NATE looks at him. NATHANIEL, SR. sits in an armchair nearby.

Nathaniel, Sr.: So, where do you think he is now?

Nate: According to his wife, he's still here.

Nathaniel, Sr.: Well, there's a big chunk of dead meat in a cheapo box that's still here. But you really believe that's him? The essence of who he was? The part of him that hoped and dreamed and all that other crap?

Nate: You tell me. You're the one who has all the answers now.

Nathaniel, Sr.: I never said that.

Nate: You know, you'd think getting hammered by a bus would make you a little less of a dick.

Nathaniel, Sr.: Sure, it's possible that we go on after we die. It's also possible that, once the light goes out, it stays out. You'll never know, buddy boy, until it's your turn.

EILEEN enters.

Eileen: (to MICHAEL) You see, that's what you were hanging on to.

Nate: Excuse me?

Eileen: Michael.

Nate: Is he here?

Eileen: He's been with me the whole time.

Nate: You think he'll stay with you?

Eileen: Not like this. He's just helping me get used to it.

Nate: Do you...? Uh, look, I hope you don't mind. But, do you get a sense of my father at all around here?

She closes her eyes and holds out her hand. The camera circles around her, revealing NATHANIEL, SR. standing behind the casket.

Eileen: (finishing) No, I'm sorry. That doesn't mean he's not here. This room is packed! I can't get to everyone.

Dave: (enters) I think everything is ready.

Eileen: I do see a child coming into your life.

Nate: No.

Eileen: (to DAVE) Well, it might be you.

Dave: Oh, I seriously doubt that.

Eileen: Well, I'm not sure which one of you I'm reading, but I'm quite sure there's gonna be a child here very soon.

RICO enters... carrying AUGUSTO!

Rico: Hey! I'm heading out, now, ok?

Nate: (laughs) This is Federico Diaz, our embalmer, and his baby, Augusto.This is Mrs. Piper.

Rico: (shakes her hand) Oh, hi. I'm sorry for your loss.

Eileen: Thank you. You made his body look very nice.

Rico: Thank you. Actually, his body gave me a lot to work with. Hardly any decay for a cancer death. There's usually--

Dave: OK, Rico, see you tomorrow.

Rico: OK, yeah. Nice to meet you, ma'am.

RICO leaves.

Eileen: (whispers) Here we go.

Scene Five: Michael's Service

A MINISTER stands at the podium. It's unclear what religious background he is from.

Minister: Eileen asked that I close with a reading from Michael's favorite poet: Walt Whitman. (reads) "What do you think is become of the young and old men? And what do you think is become of the women and children? They are alive and well somewhere. The smallest sprout shows there is really no death. And, if ever there was, it lead forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it and cease the moment life appeared. All goes onward and outward. Nothing collapses. And to die is different from what anyone supposed, and luckier." Let us pray. O, Lord, bless the departed soul of our brother, friend, and son...

NATHANIEL, SR. appears next to NATE, who is standing in the back of the room.

Nathaniel, Sr.: I'm just hanging around, helping you get used to it.

Nate: I am used to it, Dad. It's been six months.

Nathaniel, Sr.: Seven. Not that you're counting.

The service ends. NATE gets up and goes into the front hallway. Nathaniel, Sr. disappears. CLAIRE, who’s been sitting on the staircase, approaches NATE to talk to him.

Nate: Hey.

Claire: Hey. Uh, are you done?

Nate: Pretty much. What's up?

Claire: Well, I wanted to ask you something.

Nate: Okay.

Dave: (enters, interrupts CLAIRE) Get this: Bobo sold to Kroehner.

Nate: Bobo sold? My Bobo?

Dave: Your Bobo.

Nate: I can't believe this! He was so committed! Think he's got a plastic screw in his anus about now?

Dave: I hope so.

Nate: Yeah, son of a bitch! I'm gonna go call him!

NATE walks off. CLAIRE looks after him, annoyed.

Dave: What's the matter with you?

Claire: Nothing!

She storms off.

Scene Six: Karla's Apartment, evening

TAYLOR does her homework on the couch. KEITH sits at the table. His mom, LUCILLE, walks around, tidying up the apartment.

Keith: Where's Karla?

Lucille: She's just working late.

Taylor: Why are you frontin'?

Lucille: Go to your room now, Taylor.

Taylor: Mama hasn't been home since Tuesday.

Keith: What?

Lucille: Now!

Taylor: But my stomach hurts!

Lucille: I'll get you some Pepto Bismol.

Taylor: I don't want none of that nasty shit!

Lucille: Then, go on!

Taylor: Shit, bitch, this is just starting to get good!

Keith: Don't talk to your grandmother like that!

Taylor: (mimics) Don't talk to your grandmother like that! (goes into her room, slams the door behind her)

Keith: She's sick?

Lucille: She says that every night. She just wants the attention.

Keith: (angry) Can you blame her? Her mother's off doing God knows whatever!

Lucille: Karla's fine. She just had to go out of town.

Keith: Oh, you talked to her?

Lucille: Well, I wasn't in when she called. But she left several messages. Besides, I'm here with Taylor. Don't blow this out of proportion like you always do!

KEITH goes to the answering machine and turns on the "play" button.

Karla's Voice: Hey, Momma, I'm not coming home tonight. Derek needed some papers...

Keith: Can't she send him his papers?

Lucille: Well, you remember how Derek was! Always getting her to do this and that for him!

Keith: Yeah. Like raise his kid without a dime from him.

Karla's Voice: ...I don't know how long I'm gonna be. (a man's voice and many others are heard in the background) Sorry, I dropped the phone. (to a man, whispers) Shut up! (to LUCILLE) Anyway, I'll call you as soon as I can. OK? Give Taylor kisses for me. Bye.

Keith: Okay, we can get the phone company records. But I'll have to file a missing person's report first.

Lucille: Keith, why must you always think the worst of her? Let's just wait till she gets home. We don't even know--

Keith: What are you gonna do? Move up here and take care of her for the rest of your life? She has a child! Jesus, she needs help! And you covering up for her is not what I mean!

Lucille: Who do you think you're talking to? I am your mother, and you will respect that or I will smack the black right off of you!

Scene Seven: Restaurant

BRENDA sits at the bar with a drink. A man, SCOTT AXELROD, sits near her, and starts up a conversation.

Scott: Hi, there.

Brenda: Hi.

Scott: Hard day?

Brenda: How can you tell?

Scott: I'm good at people.

Brenda: Are you?

Scott: Gotta be. Tax law.

Brenda: (laughs) Oh.

Scott: I'm Scott. Scott Axelrod.

Brenda: (shaking his hand) Candice Bavard.

Scott: Nice to meet you, Candice. Are you an actress?

Brenda: Oh, no. I teach sign language to the newly deaf.

Scott: Really? (BRENDA signs to him) How noble!

Brenda: Oh, no, it's very lucrative. And I really enjoy communicating with my body.

Scott: (smiles) I get that.

Brenda: (laughs, sees NATE enter) Oh, you know what? My friend is here, but it's been really great getting to know you, Scott.

Scott: I would love to take you to dinner sometime. (gets out his card) Can I give you my card?

Brenda: You sure can.

He slips BRENDA his card as she passes by. He watches her go over to NATE and hug him. He goes back to his drink.

Scene Eight: Plan Auditorium

During the following speech, we see RUTH reaching her limit. She is sitting in her seat, hair unkempt, sweating and fidgeting. She can barely take any more of this!

Alma: Alright, you have 20 minutes to do what's most important in your life right now. What did you write to yourself in your private letter? Where are you locked out of your own life? If you learn today that your relationship with your mother has been blocking the door to your happiness, then make that repair! Right now! Waiting only gives you more time just to make excuses. There are phones in the hall! See you in 19 minutes!

Scene Nine: Plan Hallway

In the hallway outside the auditorium, phone stations are set up where the people can make their calls to their family members. RUTH and ROBBIE stand in the middle of the throng, talking to each other. RUTH is about at her wit's end.

Ruth: Where can I find a Snickers bar?

Robbie: Can't you think of more productive ways to use this time?

Ruth: Like what? Taking up smoking?

Robbie: Why not try to rebuilding with someone right now? Ruth, I read your private letter to yourself and, if you really want closeness in your life, you're gonna have to start major renovations. In fact, I would duct.

Ruth: You read my private letter?

Robbie: Why didn't you try calling your kids?

Ruth: I don't even know where my kids are, and the last thing any of them wants is for me to call them on a Friday night so I can put in new flooring!

ROBBIE leads her to a phone. A MAN is speaking into the phone next to her.

Man: I've wanted to hear that my whole life, Dad! Oh, fuck! I love you too, you sadistic old fuck!

ROBBIE picks up the phone and hands it to RUTH.

Robbie: Start with Claire. Only you can be the architect of your life.

RUTH takes the phone and ROBBIE turns away as she dials.

Ruth: (talking into phone, leaving a message) Claire? This is your mother. Yes, well, I just wanted to tell you that I feel like, even though I've been trying to be closer to you, it hasn't really been working. I wish you felt you could confide in me, and maybe you don't because you feel my opinion is worthless. Because I don't really live in my house and, so, I suppose that's the infrastructure I build. I'm sorry.

Robbie: And?

Ruth: And I love you.

Robbie: Oh, that's so good! I gotta pee like a racehorse!

He leaves. She looks relieved. We now hear what is on the other line of the phone.

Moviefone Voice: You have exceeded the time limit! If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1 now!

Scene Ten: Claire's Bedroom

CLAIRE lies down on her floor, listening to music, surrounded by candles. Her cell phone rings.

Claire: (answering) Hello?

Gabe: (shaky voice) Claire?

Claire: Where the fuck have you been? (sits up)

Gabe: (cries) I'm fucked up!

Claire: What is going on?

Gabe: Everything is all fucked up, Claire!

Claire: Look, it's gonna be okay. You just have to calm down right now.

Gabe: Look, I need you to come and get me. Please. Please!

Claire: You know the cops are like seriously looking for you?

Gabe: I know that, okay? Why do you think I need you to come out here and get me?

Claire: Where are you?

Scene Eleven: Restaurant

NATE and BRENDA sit at a private table, having drinks, as they're waiting for their main course to be served.

Brenda: Academia is one huge circle jerk. All the sequestered people desperately defending the one good idea they have ever had in their lives.

Nate: So what? That's it for going back to school?

Brenda: Yup. Next? (shrugs) How was your day?

Nate: Oh, it was weird. Buried that psychic woman's husband. And she was still, like, talking to the guy.

Brenda: Oh, that's sad.

Nate: Not for her. I mean, she really believed he was there, ya know?

Brenda: Well, she has to say that, right? If she claims she's a psychic.

Nate: You don't think that that's possible? What about you saying that things happen that leave marks in people, in places, in time?

Brenda: That's physics. Energy affecting matter. Talking to dead people is delusional.

Nate: So you definitely don't believe in any kind of life after death?

Brenda: I think people live on through the people they love, and the things they do with their lives. If they manage to do things with their lives.

Nate: But that's it? That's it? That's all there is? There's nothing more? There's nothing, like, bigger?

Brenda: Just energy.

Nate: But there isn't a plan--?

Brenda: No, there is definitely no plan. Just survival. Should I have ordered the salmon?

Nate: Uh, I don't know. (back to the topic) How can you live like that? I mean, what if you found out you were going to die tomorrow?

Brenda: I've been prepared to die tomorrow since I was six years old.

Nate: Really?

Brenda: Yeah, pretty much. (changing topic) We never got butter.

Nate: Well, why since you were six?

Brenda: Because I read a report on the effect nuclear war would have on the world, and it was pretty clear to me at that point that this was definitely gonna happen.

Nate: When you were six?

Brenda: And I wake up every day pretty much surprised that, uh, everything is still here.

Nate: Well, I don't understand how you can live like that.

Brenda: Well, I thought we all did.

SCOTT gets up and waves to her, on his way out. She waves back, quickly.

Nate: Who was that?

Brenda: I went to high school with him. He's clearly had a nose job!

Scene Twelve: Plan Auditorium

Everyone is back at the seminar. ALMA's back at the microphone, and RUTH is back to wanting to shoot herself!

Alma: Close your eyes. Go on. (everyone does except for RUTH, who keeps opening her eyes) And imagine that everyone in this room thinks you're an idiot. Total fool. Complete moron. Absolute ass. Feel familiar? It's how you feel in the world, isn't it? I want you to feel it deeply now. Really feel that everyone in this room thinks you're an idiot. (everyone does so, again, except for RUTH) Close your eyes, Ruth. Feel you're an idiot. (RUTH closes her eyes again) Now, tell me when you get the joke.

One guy starts to laugh. A lot of other people around the room tentatively start, and soon the whole room is laughing! All except for RUTH. ALMA notices.

Alma: Do you get the joke, Ruth?

Ruth: No. I'm an idiot!

Alma: Who wants to explain the joke to Ruth?

One guy raises his hand, ALMA approaches and gestures toward him, so he turns arond at RUTH and explains.

Guy: Yeah, so, we all feel the same way, right? So who's really the asshole?

Ruth: We all are?

Alma: Ruth, stand up.

RUTH stands up, annoyed.

Alma: Tell me what you wrote in your private letter to yourself.

Ruth: It was a private letter. To myself.

Alma: Tell me where your house needs repairs.

Robbie: Yeah, and don't bullshit the lady, cupcake.

Ruth: I have a very nice house. I have nice children, and a nice job, and a nice gentleman friend. Can't anyone just be happy? I'm happy!

Alma: (quickly) Who's buying Ruth's house? (no response) We don't believe your house is structurally sound, Ruth.

Ruth: Well, who knows better? Me or a room full of complainers?

Alma: What do you really want to complain about, really?

Ruth: The fact that the blood stopped circulating to my rear end four hours ago.

Everyone laughs.

Alma: Ok, what else?

Ruth: You want me to complain? Alright, then. Fuck this! Fuck you! Fuck all of you, with your snivelling self pity! And fuck all your lousy parents! Fuck my lousy parents, while we're at it! Fuck my selfish bohemian sister and her fucking bliss! Fuck my legless grandmother! Fuck my dead husband! And my lousy children and their nasty little secrets! And fuck you, Robbie, for dragging me to this terrible place and not letting me have a Snickers bar! I'm going to get something to eat!

The audience laughs.

Alma: Congratulations, Ruth! You have just levelled your fleabag hovel! Now you can build the house of your dreams from the ground up!

Robbie: Yes! Yes!

The whole audience stands up and applauds her. RUTH stands there, flabbergasted.

Scene Thirteen: Claire's Car, late the same night

CLAIRE stops her hearse in the place GABE told her to pick him up. She waits a few minutes. Suddenly he runs to the car and opens the door, startling her. He is shaking and sweating, obviously high on something.

Claire: Jesus!

Gabe: Okay, let's hop!

Claire: Uh-- hi.

Gabe: We should-- we should just get going.

Claire: Okay. But you could tell me where the fuck you've been for like two--

Gabe: Yeah, like you care.

Claire: What? Why did I just drive my ass way the fuck out to nowhere!

Gabe: Can we just talk about this while we're driving? Okay? Jesus, it's hot as hell in this car!

CLAIRE starts up the car and drives.

Claire: Can you tell me where we're going?

Gabe: Let's just head out to Angela's Crest or something.

Claire: Angela's Crest? That's like where serial killers go to dump the bodies. You think you can come up with some place a little creepier?

Gabe: I don't care where we go. I just want to go somewhere where we can be alone for a minute and we can just, just, talk, ya know, whatever?

Claire: Are you fucked up right now?

Gabe: What the fuck do you expect, Claire?! Okay?! I'm freaked out, you know?! Everything's really fucked up for me right now!

Claire: Yeah, so what are you gonna do?

Gabe: I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Claire: What is there to figure out?

Gabe: Claire, just chill out, okay?! Just-- Jesus!

CLAIRE stops at a red light.

Claire: Look, they know you gave Andy the Fry or whatever the fuck it's called. They know you robbed that store, Gabe. You have to turn yourself in!

Gabe: Yeah! Oh, yeah! That is a genius fucking plan!

A DRIVER in another car pulls up next to them in the next lane, and calls out to CLAIRE.

Driver: Hey, baby, you like to drink blood?

Claire: That's incredibly original.

Gabe: (to DRIVER) Shut the fuck up, scumbag!

Driver: Oh, look, you got a corpse in the front seat!

Gabe: (takes his gun out of his pocket and points it at the DRIVER) I said, shut the fuck up!

Claire: (very scared) Oh, God! Oh, God!

GABE shoots the gun and the DRIVER falls out of view. CLAIRE is frozen.

Gabe: Go! Go! Go! Go!

He steps on the gas, running the red light. A motorist in another car yells, "Is he okay?" Farther down the road, CLAIRE continues to drive, tears streaming down her face. She is terrified.

Gabe: It's okay. It's okay. Just keep driving.

She pulls to the side of the road.

Gabe: What are you doing?

Claire: We have to go back.

Gabe: Are you insane?

Claire: We have to go back and make sure that guy is okay!

Gabe: I didn't hit him, alright?

Claire: Well, how do you know? I mean, are you sure?

Gabe: 'Cause I saw. He's fine, alright?

Claire: Well, then, let's just go back and make sure that he is alright!

Gabe: (screams) Claire! I cannot go back there! God, I am fucked!

Claire: Well, you know this is making it worse! (cries)

Gabe: Listen to me. I need you to just help me right now. OK? Please.

Claire: (screams) I can't help you! I can't help you anymore! I can't!

Gabe: Sshhh. Let's just keep going, ok? Let's just keep going and I will figure out what to do, okay? I will figure it out.

Claire: I'm going back!

GABE tries to hold her back. She pushes him away, harshly.

Claire: Get off!

His gun falls onto the seat. She grabs it.

Gabe: Claire, give me that.

Claire: Okay, you have to get out now.

Gabe: Don't do this to me.

Claire: (this is very hard for her) Get out! Get out!

Gabe: Okay! Okay. I'm just gonna get my bag, alright? (he grabs his bookbag, and his cell phone; then, sarcastically...) Thanks.

He runs off into the woods at the side of the highway. She cries for a few moments and stuffs the gun in her bookbag. She starts the car and drives back to the intersection. She checks and the car is no longer there, so, in all probability GABE was right and that driver is fine. It doesn't make it better.

Scene Fourteen: Slumber Room

DAVE cleans up the room, holding a black garbage bag. NATHANIEL, SR. tosses a piece of paper into the bag. Dave looks at him surprised. He is sitting on a couch with a unlighted cigarette in his hand.

Nathaniel, Sr.: So, where do you think I am? Heaven or Hell?

Dave: Apparently, you're here at the moment.

Nathaniel, Sr.: You think I'm in Hell. Yeah, sure, I went to church. That was just for business. I don't really believe in God. I mean, not as anyone you had to please or impress to get promoted. No. The only God I know is a mean-spirited comedian in ugly pants whose every joke has the same damn punchline. And I'm thinking, that kind of attitude lands me straight in Hell. (laughs) On the bright side, that means you'll have a familiar face waiting for you. Hey, look it up! Leviticus, Chapter 20, Verse 13.

Dave: I don't believe that anymore.

NATHANIEL, SR. looks impressed and lights his cigarette.

Dave: And I don't think that you're in Hell.

Nathaniel, Sr.: But you can't quite see me hanging around Gandhi and Mother Teresa up there.

Dave: I miss you, Dad.

NATHANIEL, SR. smiles. NATE enters.

Nate: Hey.

Dave: I thought you were at Brenda's.

Nate: Yeah, she had a late client, so I thought I'd, ya know-- help you clean up.

Dave: Thanks. At this hour? That is a late client.

Nate: Yeah, some of them like her to put them to bed, ya know?

Dave: (genuinely) That's very sad.

Nate: Hey, how long did you go out with that cop?

Dave: Um, about six months.

Nate: Sex ever slow down?

Dave: I was so hoping you weren't going to go there! (smiles)

Nate: Yeah, I'm sorry.

CLAIRE enters, crying. She goes directly to DAVID and hugs him, hard.

Nate: Claire?

Claire: David, I need some help!

Dave: What happened?

Scene Fifteen: Restaurant

This is a different restaurant from the one NATE and BRENDA were in earlier. RUTH and ROBBIE are sitting at the bar. They are both very drunk!

Robbie: (mimicking RUTH) Fuck my legless grandmother! And fuck you, Robbie, for not letting me have a Snickers bar!

Ruth: Oh, my goodness, the language! (laughs) I was so rude!

Robbie: (laughs) It was fantastic! A real breakthrough!

Ruth: I'm so happy, I don't know how to thank you!

Robbie: Don't thank me. Just change. So, what are you gonna do tomorrow to start the renovation?

Ruth: That's none of your fucking business!

They both start laughing again. They notice a young couple (also part of The Plan crowd) making out hard. It makes them laugh even harder! RUTH leans into ROBBIE, pretending to kiss him.

Ruth: Sweetheart!

They collapse into hysterics.

Scene Sixteen: Fisher Living Room

CLAIRE sits on the couch, next to KEITH. NATE sits on a armchair nearby and DAVE stands. KEITH wears protective gloves, and takes the gun out of CLAIRE's bookbag, to not get any fingerprints on it. He places it into a plastic sandwich bag.

Keith: Any idea where he'd go? (CLAIRE just shakes her head) What was he wearing? (she takes a deep breath) You know, it's gonna be much easier on him if we can bring him in before something else happens.

Claire: Yeah, but he doesn't even have a gun.

Nate: (harshly) What, you think he can't get another gun?

Claire: Um-- He was wearing like jeans and a green t-shirt, I think.

Keith: You're doing the right thing. You know that, right? (caresses her arm)

Claire: I feel like shit.

Dave: (kindly) You'll feel worse if someone else gets hurt.

Claire: Oh, my God. When that cop asked me if I knew about the 7-Eleven thing, I said I didn't, but I did. (almost crying again) Is that like, really bad?

Keith: It's not great. But you're telling the truth now, right? (she nods) So, don't worry about that.

Claire: They wouldn't make me, like, testify against him or something, right?

Keith: That's not up to me but, anyway, that's a long ways off.

Claire: Okay, 'cause I don't want to do anything like that.

Nate: (again, harshly) God, why are you still protecting this loser?

Keith: Because she loves him.

Dave: We understand that, Claire. I really wish you'd told us about this sooner. How long did you know about the embalming fluid.

Claire: Not that long! And I tried to tell Nate--

Nate: When? When the fuck did you try to tell me about this?

Keith: (gestures him to stop) She's telling you now, alright?

Nate: (backs off) Okay, I'm sorry. (CLAIRE shoots a look at him) I'm sorry!

Keith: When you're ready, we're gonna get in the car and drive down to the station.

CLAIRE moans and puts her head in her hands.

Keith: And a couple of detectives there are gonna ask you pretty much the same questions.

Claire: (cries) Will you be there?

Keith: Yes, I'll be there.

KEITH looks up at DAVID. DAVID smiles warmly. KEITH smooths CLAIRE's hair, paternally, as she looks down and starts to cry again. The screen fades to white.

END OF ACT TWO

END CREDITS